Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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