I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
