You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
