And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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