How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
