i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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