so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
