I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
