From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
