Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have demons in me.
I could make wine with my vomit
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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