So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
