I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
