yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
