you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
