I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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