Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
