The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
