just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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