ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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