I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
