I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
