You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There r osticjed everywhere
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
