We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
