last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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