My cat gives me a boner
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
