The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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