We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
