I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
