Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
