So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
