If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
