I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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