Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
