I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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