Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
