i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize