chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
