I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
