Jerry, you need to find god
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
