Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
