i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
