i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
