It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
