i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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