i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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