they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
