Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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