how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Randomize