hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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