Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
