Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
