Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
