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My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
