i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am naked and annoyed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
