I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
