Your mouth is God's brothel.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
