and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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