and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
