Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
