please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
